made me chuckle
- Thread starter PaulJL
- Start date
TriComm
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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.
Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.
On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, “I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.”
The blonde thinks, “I bet that Frenchman was hoping to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.”
The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.”
The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that Frenchman again.”
Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.
On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, “I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.”
The blonde thinks, “I bet that Frenchman was hoping to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.”
The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.”
The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that Frenchman again.”
How mean can you get
In France is one egg an oeuf?
PaulJL
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My Grandad always lived in poverty and only ever owned one black suit, he always used to tell my Mum that when he died he would like to be buried in a ‘blue suit’
Of course money was tight so that was never going to happen, anyway when he did finally pass away and he was resting in the funeral parlour wearing his ‘black suit’ my Mum told the funeral director the sad story about Grandad only having a black suit and always wanting to be buried in a ‘ blue suit’.
Two days later when my Mum went back to close the coffin she saw my Grandad laying there in a ‘blue suit’ of course she burst into tears at this miracle and asked the funeral director‘what’s going on?’
‘Well’ he said ‘not long after you left we had another old boy come in who only ever owned a ’blue suit’ and he had always wanted to be buried in a ’black suit’ so...
I JUST SWAPPED THEIR HEADS OVER!
Of course money was tight so that was never going to happen, anyway when he did finally pass away and he was resting in the funeral parlour wearing his ‘black suit’ my Mum told the funeral director the sad story about Grandad only having a black suit and always wanting to be buried in a ‘ blue suit’.
Two days later when my Mum went back to close the coffin she saw my Grandad laying there in a ‘blue suit’ of course she burst into tears at this miracle and asked the funeral director‘what’s going on?’
‘Well’ he said ‘not long after you left we had another old boy come in who only ever owned a ’blue suit’ and he had always wanted to be buried in a ’black suit’ so...
I JUST SWAPPED THEIR HEADS OVER!
Commer Van FanWhen you realise it's been right in front of you the whole time. No not the bins
PaulJL
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And I thought my jokes were bad...Commer Van Fan
PaulJL
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A Barnsley girl goes to the welfare office to register for child benefit
"How many children?" asks the welfare officer
"Ten" replies the Barnsley girl
"Ten?" says the welfare worker
"What are their names?"
"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and
Nathan"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Barnsley girl, "It's great because if they are out
playing in the street I just have to shout 'Nathan yer dinner's ready!'
or 'Nathan go to bed now!' and they all do it
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the curious welfare
worker
"That's easy," says the Barnsley girl... "I just use their surnames"
"How many children?" asks the welfare officer
"Ten" replies the Barnsley girl
"Ten?" says the welfare worker
"What are their names?"
"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and
Nathan"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Barnsley girl, "It's great because if they are out
playing in the street I just have to shout 'Nathan yer dinner's ready!'
or 'Nathan go to bed now!' and they all do it
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the curious welfare
worker
"That's easy," says the Barnsley girl... "I just use their surnames"