An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, 'We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each get a final wish.'
The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of England, played by the Trinity Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'
The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of Ireland, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'
The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of Wales, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.'
The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first.'
A Scotsman in walking in the highlands when he spots an English man drinking from a stream. He calls to the man diny drink from the burn its foo o coo shit. The man replies sorry I am English I do not understand. The Scotsman then replies you would be better using both hands.