made me chuckle

A Scouser went on Dragons' Den with just a rucksack and a shotgun.
Peter Jones said, "I'm confused, what's the business plan?"
"It's quite simple Peter," said the Scouser, "Just put the cash in the bag and no-body gets hurt."
 
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My cousin just called and asked if I would loan her £300.00 to help her pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I'm always willing to help out friends and family.

I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her back, my aunt called and told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money.

She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the £300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday.

I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the £300.00 because we all need help at times.

So, I called my cousin and told her to come and get the money. A couple of hours later, I get a call from the Retford Police Station. It was my cousin crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money.

My response......so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!
 
If you boil down a pan full of funny bones would you end up with a laughing stock?
 
“Doctors and scientists said breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt. Thus, when I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead.”
— Roger Bannister
 
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke - he just won the no bell prize
 
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