made me chuckle

Have you heard about the plan for Ireland to change to driving on the right? To make it easy, they are doing it in two stages. First weekend the cars change over; the following weekend the trucks and buses follow suit
 
Jack and jill got home late after a dinner party. Finally getting to bed there was a knock on the door. After a lot of grumbling jack went down to see who was knocking so late. The chap at the door looking a bit upset ‘Is there any chance of a push please?’
‘At this time of night?’ Jack replied. ‘No you can’t’
Getting back into bed jill asks ‘what was all that about?’
‘Some bloke has broken down and wants a bloody push!’
Jill replies ‘ well aren’t you going to help?’
‘No’
‘But remember the time when we ran out of fuel and that kind farmer gave us some fuel? I really think you should help.’
Jack went back down and called out ‘ are you still there?’
‘Yes’
‘Where are you?’
....
....
....

‘Over here on the swings’
 
Archaeologists in Egypt have found a very important mummy as to which not a lot is known. They removed the golden covering to find the mummy preserved in nuts and chocolate. The cartouche on the necklace found around it's neck told them it's name. It's pharaoh Rocher.....
 
PaulJL said:
Archaeologists in Egypt have found a very important mummy as to which not a lot is known. They removed the golden covering to find the mummy preserved in nuts and chocolate. The cartouche on the necklace found around it's neck told them it's name. It's pharaoh Rocher.....
Click to expand...
God I had to read that on facebook too Paul! :)
 
Two sausages in a frying pan the first sausage said "phew its hot in here" and the second sausage said "my god a talking sausage"
 
I hear David Baddiel, the comedian, is reported to have said, "I feel I should take the job of Brexit Secretary now. If only so that when I resign, Theresa May can finally be proved right that No Deal is better than a Baddiel"
 
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