made me chuckle

[bazzateer]

I used to be a motorcycle courier.......................................................................................................... damn those things are heavy!

 

[PaulJL]

Make sure you check your tent is insured. If it gets nicked during the night your not covered....

 

[bazzateer]

I used to live in a flat with three girls all in their 20s..............................................until they they found me......

 

[PaulJL]

My local pub were having a dual party for Chinese New year and Burns night.
Chinese Burns Night.

I didn't want to go but they twisted my arm.

 

[S0updragon]

Got 8 venison legs for £40. Was it was too dear?

 

[PaulJL]

Don't get Bono to voice your sat nav.
All the streets have no name and you will never find what you're looking for

 

[renaultvation]

An electronic fuel injection test light goes into a bar and indignantly orders a beer. ‘Certainly sir’ says the barman, but why the anger?
Because I’m a noid!

 

[PaulJL]

Good lord

 

[Panky]

A man takes airline to court over his missing luggage, he lost his case.

 

[martin maltas]

Man falls asleep at work, he lost his job

 

[renaultvation]

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar and the barman says 'Oh God, not U2 again!'

 

[PaulJL]

Bloke goes into a library and asks if they have any books about suicide.
Librarian says, we did have a load but nobody ever brought em back

 

[PaulJL]

At A Mental Hospital :
Doctor: - "What is this?"
Mad Man: - "This is a book I wrote. Total 500 pages."
Doctor- "You wrote 500 pages?!... woooooow, What did you write?"
Madman: "On the first page I wrote One King rode on a Horse and went towards the Jungle.
And on the last page, I wrote The King reached the Jungle."
Doctor:- "So what did you write in the remaining 498 pages?"
Mad Man:- "I wrote;
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik ti tigdik tigdik...
Tigdiki tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik ti tigdik
tigdik...
Doctor:- (stunned) "AND what's that????!!!!!"
Mad Man:- "That's the sound of the Horse running...The hooves digging the terrain."
Doctor- "AND Who will read your story?"
Mad Man: "I will put it on Facebook, My mad friends will definitely read it... One of them is reading it as we speak!"

 

[Panky]

Very exciting, I even joined in with me coconut shells for a while to really get into the story

 

[Panky]

A customer asked the assistant ‘where might I find the Irish sausages?’

Assistant, why are you Irish?

Customer clearly shocked by the comment, ‘yes I am Irish, but may I ask you a question?

If I asked for pizza would you assume I’m Italian?
If I wanted hotdogs would you think I’m American?
What if I wanted tacos would you presume I’m from Mexico?

Assistant, ‘no I probably wouldn’t!

Customer ‘so why ask if I’m Irish?

Assistant ‘sir, You are in Halfords!

 

[Panky]

A man goes into the doctors with a steering wheel in his pants.

Doctor "What happened here then?"

Patient "I don't know but it's driving me nuts..."

 

[Panky]

A guy was waiting to get his hair cut but it was busy. After a 45 min wait, the manager started to hand out burgers and hot dogs, the guy said it was the best barber queue he’s ever been too.

 

[PaulJL]

Worth a watch for a laugh. John's mickey take of me.

 

[Panky]

Oh no, not another PJL

 

[S0updragon]

Cool diner setup