made me chuckle
- Thread starter PaulJL
- Start date
What's the difference between a plastic surgeon and an offsted inspector?
One tucks up features and the other f**ks up teachers!
One tucks up features and the other f**ks up teachers!
Colin Stewart
Active Member
An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, 'We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.'
The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'
The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'
The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.'
The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first
The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'
The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'
The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.'
The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman and a Welshman were travelling in an aircraft that went out of control and was about to crash.
To their dismay, they discovered that there were only three parachutes in the plane. The Scotsman argued that he ought to have one since he was a very important businessman whose death would result in the collapse of the stockmarket.
The Welshman handed him over the first parachute and he baled out.
Next the Irishman argued that he should be given a parachute. He was an important politician upon whom all hope of peace in Ireland rested. The Irishman silently put the straps over his shoulders and he jumped out after the Scotsman.
The Welshman now turned to the Englishman and handed him a parachute. 'Here you are' he said cheerfully.
'But what about you?' gasped the Englishman, amazed at this unflinching heroism.
'Oh, I'll be all right' said the Welshman. The Irishman took my haversack'.
To their dismay, they discovered that there were only three parachutes in the plane. The Scotsman argued that he ought to have one since he was a very important businessman whose death would result in the collapse of the stockmarket.
The Welshman handed him over the first parachute and he baled out.
Next the Irishman argued that he should be given a parachute. He was an important politician upon whom all hope of peace in Ireland rested. The Irishman silently put the straps over his shoulders and he jumped out after the Scotsman.
The Welshman now turned to the Englishman and handed him a parachute. 'Here you are' he said cheerfully.
'But what about you?' gasped the Englishman, amazed at this unflinching heroism.
'Oh, I'll be all right' said the Welshman. The Irishman took my haversack'.
Colin Stewart
Active Member
What did the big snowman say to the little snowman?
Can you smell carrots
Can you smell carrots
Colin Stewart
Active Member
Bought my wife a new belt and bag for Christmas she wasn't to pleased but the Hoover works much better now
I work in a Spanish company and this goes down a treat (though I might have got it off here anyway!)...
What did the Spanish Fireman call his children?
Jose and Joseb
What did the Spanish Fireman call his children?
Jose and Joseb
PaulJL
0
that's shocking!
who's the coolest man in a hospital?
the ultrasound guy
the ultrasound guy