A man walked into a bar!!!
My name is Scott, not Comm-Don!
My name is Scott, not Comm-Don!
Boom Boom
- Thread starter Moley
- Start date
A man is driving his son to school when he inadvertently makes an illegal turn at the lights " uh oh ",i just made an illegal turn! the man says ' it's ok, dad, ' replies the son. 'the police car behind us did the same thing!'
My name is Scott, not Comm-Don!
My name is Scott, not Comm-Don!
A woodworm goes into a pub and asks 'is the bartender here?'
'It's not a proper slider'
'It's not a proper slider'
A bear walks into a pub and asks the barman 'could I have a .........beer please?'
'Certainly sir' replies the barman, 'but why the long pause?'
'It's not a proper slider'
'Certainly sir' replies the barman, 'but why the long pause?'
'It's not a proper slider'
Colin the horse walks in the pub and the barman asks 'why the long face?'
'It's not a proper slider'
'It's not a proper slider'
Three pieces of string walk into the pub, the first walks up to the bar and orders three drinks. The barman says 'I'm sorry but I don't serve drinks to string!'
The second piece of string thinks he will have better luck, but receives the same response.
This angers the third piece of string, who ties himself up with rage, tugs at his hair, stomps up to the bar and forcefully orders three drinks.
The barman asks 'are you with those other two bits of string?'
The string replies 'no I'm a frayed knot!'
'It's not a proper slider'
The second piece of string thinks he will have better luck, but receives the same response.
This angers the third piece of string, who ties himself up with rage, tugs at his hair, stomps up to the bar and forcefully orders three drinks.
The barman asks 'are you with those other two bits of string?'
The string replies 'no I'm a frayed knot!'
'It's not a proper slider'
a cheese and pickle sandwich walks into a bar..
the barman say "sorry sir, we don't serve food"
"With great cars comes great responsibility"
www.littleyellowcar.co.uk
the barman say "sorry sir, we don't serve food"
"With great cars comes great responsibility"
www.littleyellowcar.co.uk
The M1 Motorway walks into a bar with his entorage of minor A roads who scurry around ordering him a drink and making sure he has his favourite seat etc.
Suddenly the bar door opens and in walks a very long thin green road.
The bar goes quiet and the A66 looks pale and nervously turns to the M1 and whispers ....
"Watch out.. he's a Cyclepath..."
"With great cars comes great responsibility"
www.littleyellowcar.co.uk
Suddenly the bar door opens and in walks a very long thin green road.
The bar goes quiet and the A66 looks pale and nervously turns to the M1 and whispers ....
"Watch out.. he's a Cyclepath..."
"With great cars comes great responsibility"
www.littleyellowcar.co.uk
Man walks into a pub and orders a double entendre
'certainly sir' replies the barman, 'would you like a big one?'
'It's not a proper slider'
'certainly sir' replies the barman, 'would you like a big one?'
'It's not a proper slider'
Man walks into a pub, places a large cerdboard box on the bar and orders a drink.
Curiosity gets the better of the barman and he asks what is in the box.
The man opens the box and takes out a tiny piano, followed by a tiny piano stool, then a tiny man who sits at the piano and proceeds to play Beethovens Moonlight Sonata.
'That's amazing exclaims the barman, where did you get it?'
The man replies that he was given a token which granted him a wish. As he had used his wish he offered it to the barman, but warned him to use it wisely and be careful what he wished for.
The grateful barman thanked the man and pondered the situation carefully before saying 'I wish I had a million bucks!'
Nothing much happened for a moment, then the door of the pub opened slightly and in waddled a little duck, closely followed by another, then another and another. Very soon the pub was filled with little ducks.
'What's happening?' exclaimed the barman, 'I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
'Well', replied the man, 'you didn't really think that I wished for a twelve inch pianist did you?'
'It's not a proper slider'
Curiosity gets the better of the barman and he asks what is in the box.
The man opens the box and takes out a tiny piano, followed by a tiny piano stool, then a tiny man who sits at the piano and proceeds to play Beethovens Moonlight Sonata.
'That's amazing exclaims the barman, where did you get it?'
The man replies that he was given a token which granted him a wish. As he had used his wish he offered it to the barman, but warned him to use it wisely and be careful what he wished for.
The grateful barman thanked the man and pondered the situation carefully before saying 'I wish I had a million bucks!'
Nothing much happened for a moment, then the door of the pub opened slightly and in waddled a little duck, closely followed by another, then another and another. Very soon the pub was filled with little ducks.
'What's happening?' exclaimed the barman, 'I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
'Well', replied the man, 'you didn't really think that I wished for a twelve inch pianist did you?'
'It's not a proper slider'
His friend laughed his head off!
'It's not a proper slider'
'It's not a proper slider'
A man rushes into a bar, orders the four most expensive 30-year-old single malts in the house and has the barman line them up in front of him. Then without pausing, he quickly downs each one.
"Whew," the barman remarks, "You seem to be in a hurry."
"You would be too if you had what I have," the man replies.
"Why, what do you have?", the barman asks sympathetically.
"Fifty pence."
Harvey the RV
"Whew," the barman remarks, "You seem to be in a hurry."
"You would be too if you had what I have," the man replies.
"Why, what do you have?", the barman asks sympathetically.
"Fifty pence."
Harvey the RV
So this guy walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you £500 that I can pee into a shot glass from 30 feet away, and not get any outside the glass." The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his £500, so he agrees. They get out a shot glass, the bartender paces off 30 feet, and the contest begins. The man pees all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me £500, huh?" The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window £200 apiece that I could come in here and pee all over the bar."
Harvey the RV
Harvey the RV
Chap walks into a pub and orders a pint then realises he needs to go to the toilet, to save anybody from stealing his drink he writes a note and places it on top of his glass that reads " I spat in this drink " when he returns he discovers another note stating " So did i "!
My name is Scott, not Comm-Don!
My name is Scott, not Comm-Don!
Somebody complimented me on my driving today, they left a note on the windscreen saying " Parking fine "
My name is Scott, not Comm-Don!
My name is Scott, not Comm-Don!
Reporter to racing driver: Would you say that taking that corner at that speed is dangerous? Driver: Taking that corner at that speed is dangerous!
My name is Scott, not Comm-Don!
My name is Scott, not Comm-Don!