True story about a frog

Lulu

Lulu

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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the clerk. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to take out a £30,000 loan to take a holiday"
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog tells her that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger and that it will be OK as he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says "sure I have this" and he produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she will have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the bank manager and says " there's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000 and he wants to use this as collateral" she holds up the tiny pink elephant, "I mean what in the world is this"
The bank manager looks back at Patty and says-----
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" It's a knick knack Patty Whack
Give the frog a loan
His old mans a Rolling Stone"

I bet you're singing it now aren't you, come on never take life seriously. Have a good day
 
Good grief:I

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Two's company
 
Oh dear! You're going to fit in nicely here!

BazRockscropped.jpg
Spare a Commer Guv?
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
 
Reminds me of another favourite:

A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes.
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man. "O.K." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!"

A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.

Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.

"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen. "Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"

The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.

"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.

"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show.

That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy lip squid!"
 
So's the lip squid one!

OK, guy goes into a pub and orders a pint. When he finishes it and orders a second the landlord tells him he can have all his drinks free if he can guess the weight of the meat, but if he's wrong he has to buy a drink for everyone. "What meat?" he asks. "Up there" says the landlord pointing above the guy's head. He looks up and sure enough there's a few pieces of succulent looking fresh beef nailed to the ceiling. "Let me get this straight" he says, "If I can guess the weight of the meat I get all my drinks tonight for free?" "That's right" says the landlord. "But if I'm wrong I have to buy a drink for everyone in the pub?" "Yep" says the landlord. The guy looks up at the meat, then looks around the packed out pub full of thirsty drinkers. He looks at the meat again then says to the landlord, "Just a pint please". "don't fancy your chances then?" asks the landlord. "Nah" says the guy, "The steaks are too high".

BazRockscropped.jpg
Spare a Commer Guv?
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
 
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