Just funny
- Thread starter Gladys Crew
- Start date
"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburettor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
Bernie Heidi & Gladys
[/IMG]
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
Bernie Heidi & Gladys
On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through.
"So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.
"The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,
"We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the bloody car in the garage this time."
Bernie Heidi & Gladys
[/IMG]
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through.
"So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.
"The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,
"We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the bloody car in the garage this time."
Bernie Heidi & Gladys
quote:
Originally posted by bazzateer
Why are wedding dresses white?
Groan but go on?
Originally posted by bazzateer
Why are wedding dresses white?
Groan but go on?
A husband has been having sex with his wife for 30 minutes when she looks up at him and says 'what's the matter, Fred. Why are you taking so long?' Sorry,' he says. 'I just can't think of anyone...
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Q. What is the best day to go to the beach?
A. Sunday, of course!
Bernie Heidi & Gladys
[/IMG]
Q. What is the best day to go to the beach?
A. Sunday, of course!
Bernie Heidi & Gladys
Test for Dementia
> Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
>
>
> Let's find out just how clever you really are....
>
>
>
> Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> First Question:
>
> You are participating in a race! You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
> Answer:If you answered that you are first, then you are
> absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
>
> Try not to screw up next time.
> Now answer the second question,
> butdon't take as much time as you took for the first question,OK ?
>
> Second Question:
> If you overtake the last person, then you are..?
> (scroll down)
>
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
> Answer:If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
>
>
> You're not very good at this, are you?
>
>
>
> Third Question:
> Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
> Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
>
>
>
> Take1000and add40 to it. Now add another1000 . Now add30 .
> Add another1000 . Now add20.. Now add another 1000
> Now add 10 . What is the total?
>
>
> Scroll down for answer.....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> Did you get 5000?
>
> The correct answer is actually 4100.
>
>
>
> If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
> Today is definitely not your day, is it?
> Maybe you'll get the last question right.... ..Maybe..
>
>
>
> Fourth Question:
>
> Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
> 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Did you Answer Nunu?
> NO!Of course it isn't.
> Her name is Mary.Read the question again!
>
>
>
> Okay, now the bonus round:
>
> Amute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
> imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
> expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
> done.
> Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
> sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
>
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
> He just has to open his mouth and ask....
> It's really very simple..... Like you!
>
>
>
>
> PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
> SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
Bernie Heidi & Gladys
[/IMG]
> Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
>
>
> Let's find out just how clever you really are....
>
>
>
> Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> First Question:
>
> You are participating in a race! You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
> Answer:If you answered that you are first, then you are
> absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
>
> Try not to screw up next time.
> Now answer the second question,
> butdon't take as much time as you took for the first question,OK ?
>
> Second Question:
> If you overtake the last person, then you are..?
> (scroll down)
>
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
> Answer:If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
>
>
> You're not very good at this, are you?
>
>
>
> Third Question:
> Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
> Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
>
>
>
> Take1000and add40 to it. Now add another1000 . Now add30 .
> Add another1000 . Now add20.. Now add another 1000
> Now add 10 . What is the total?
>
>
> Scroll down for answer.....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> Did you get 5000?
>
> The correct answer is actually 4100.
>
>
>
> If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
> Today is definitely not your day, is it?
> Maybe you'll get the last question right.... ..Maybe..
>
>
>
> Fourth Question:
>
> Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
> 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Did you Answer Nunu?
> NO!Of course it isn't.
> Her name is Mary.Read the question again!
>
>
>
> Okay, now the bonus round:
>
> Amute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
> imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
> expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
> done.
> Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
> sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
>
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
> He just has to open his mouth and ask....
> It's really very simple..... Like you!
>
>
>
>
> PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
> SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
Bernie Heidi & Gladys